Commies! From America's Point of View
by A Field of Starlight
Summary: Exactly as the title says. America's... interesting... encounter with communism. ONESHOT. Warning: Total crack. Other warnings inside.


Author's Note: Random crack oneshots! Yeah! Crack oneshots are super fun!

Warnings: Random OC's, minor cracking of the fourth wall. Ok, not that random, and not that minor...

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. Just like I am not a polka dotted rhinoceros. :P

* * *

"Hey, America?"

"Yeah, Canada?"

"Why do you call Russia a commie when he isn't one, but don't call the real communists commies?"

"Hmm... Hey, want some ice cream?"

"... You're not going to answer my question, are you."

"Nope! C'mon, let's go get ice cream!"

* * *

"IGGY!"

"Shut up, you bloody git! It isn't necessary to yell so loudly when I'm sitting only a meter away from you!"

"...?"

"Fine! A yard! Stupid git, not knowing how long a meter is..." [A/N: Yes, yes, I know a meter and a yard are not the same thing. But seriously, they're so freaking similar! It's really creepy!]

"I need help!"

"Stop whining!"

"But Iggyyyyyy-"

"All right! What do you need help with?"

"I need a list of all the communist countries!"

"WHAT? Why do you want that?"

"Please, Iggy?"

"Go find it yourself! It's called the Internet!"

"Aww... Fine."

* * *

"Hey, China!"

"Aiyah, aru! Get out of my house!"

"Ah! No, not the wok!"

"Get out, aru!"

"Wait, I have a question!"

"Then ask it and get out, aru!"

"Are you communist?"

"Aiyah! Yes, aru, now get out! Stupid Westerner!"

* * *

"Hey, Vietnam! Ow!"

"That's what you get for scaring me! Stupid America..."

"Did you really have to hit me with your paddle so hard? Not that it hurt or anything, after all, I _am_ the hero."

"Ugh. What do you want? Say it fast or this paddle meets your face again."

"Uh... Oh yeah! Are you communist?"

"_Noooo_! I'm a _democratic_ country!"

"... Wait, really?"

"Of course I'm communist, you idiot! It's called _sarcasm_!"

"Ow! Stop with the paddle!"

"Just get out of my country!"

* * *

"Yo, Cuba!"

"It's YOU! America, you will pay for everything you've done!"

"Ow! Hey, stop it! What's with people hitting me today? Anyways, Cuba, I want to ask you a question!"

"What!"

"Are you communist? Hey, what are you- ow, ow, ow! It was just a question!"

"I didn't know you really were an idiot!"

"I was just asking if you were communist! Is it a yes or a no?"

"Sí! Now leave! How'd you even get into my country anyways?"

"I swam!" [A/N: Yes, America swam to Cuba. Well, he _is_ a nation...]

"That was a rhetorical question!"

* * *

"North Korea! North Korea, come out, I need to ask you a question!"

"Why should I answer it?"

"Because!"

"Because what?"

"Just because!"

"Ugh, fine."

"Are you communist?"

"... Do you know how tempted I am to lob one of my nuclear missiles at you right now? The only thing stopping me is the fact that you're in my brother's country."

"Jeez, why won't people answer my question!"

"Because it's idiotic!"

"Aww, come on. Please tell me?"

"YES! Now run along back to the other side of the Pacific Ocean, where you belong!"

* * *

"Hey, Laos!"

"Huh? America? What are you doing here? What am _I_ doing here? Unlike North Korea, I'm not even a popular OC-"

"NOOOO! Don't break the fourth wall!"

"But I really want to know what I'm doing here!"

[A/N: You're communist. That's why.]

"Oh. OK."

"Aaaahhhh! Why is it that the first nation I come to that doesn't hit me or threaten to hit me have to go and break the fourth wall?"

[A/N: Because I like torturing you. Now get back to the story.]

"Fine, geez!"

"So... Why are you here, America?"

"I have a question for you!"

"Which is?"

"Are you communist?"

"... Didn't I just go over this with the author?"

"NO! Not the fourth wall again!"

"Oh, right. Ahem. Yes, I am."

"OK, great. Nice meeting you! I'll just leave now!"

* * *

"Alright! The world conference will now commence!"

The nations settled down as Germany banged on the table.

"OK! So, you all know the rules by now, right? No speaking out of turn, time limit of eight minutes, raise your hand if you want to speak...?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good! Now, who wants to go first?" Germany looked around the room.

Italy raised his hand.

"Germany recognizes his friend Italy!" Germany exclaimed, pointing.

Italy beamed, the closed his eyes, and in a very dramatic voice, yelled, "PASTAAAA~!"

Germany facepalmed. "Italy, I thought I told you not to do that anymore!"

"Ve... Sorry Doitsu..." Italy said, hanging his head. Japan patted him on the back in an attempt to comfort him.

Germany sighed. "Anyone else?"

America raised his hand, practically bouncing in his seat.

"Germany recognizes his friend America!"

"Sup, dudes! OK, so I have this super epic presentation on..."

He paused for dramatic effect. "... Commies!"

Canada quietly facepalmed in the corner. "Oh maple. I shouldn't have asked him that question..."

Not hearing his twin, America continued. "So! I have figured out what they are! China is the rich commie-"

"At least he admits it, aru," China sighed.

"-Vietnam is the girl commie-"

"That's slightly sexist," Vietnam complained.

"-Cuba is the ice cream loving commie-"

"You realize you love ice cream too, America?" Cuba asked.

"-North Korea is the evil commie-"

"Hey! I still have those nukes, you know!" North Korea exclaimed.

"-Laos is the non-character commie-"

"And you chastise _me_ for breaking the fourth wall!" Laos yelled.

"-and Russia is the commie that is not a commie!" America exclaimed, beaming.

Cue facepalms from the entire world.

"..."

"..."

"..."

...

From that day on, the world, for once unanimous in its decision, voted that America never, _ever_ be allowed to use the word 'commie' during a world meeting again.

Not that it stopped him.

"Commie! Haha, commie, commie, commie, commie, commie!"

"SHUT UP, AMERICA!"

* * *

Author's Note: Well, that was fun! So, there you go. America's commie list, with guest appearances from the Axis, England, and Canada. :)

I told you crack oneshots are fun.


End file.
